Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i will never coherently bang her
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
