Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
