bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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