I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
