I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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