I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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