Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
two words: eviction party
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
