Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
