I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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