tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
