i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Randomize
