I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
