Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
