Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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