There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
as a side note pls kill me
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
