you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
