not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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