Cold hands, warm shart.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
