Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
