covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
