my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
my liver is dry heaving
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
