So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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