I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
