he puts the penis in happiness.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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