I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
