They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
40s are totally the cure
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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