I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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