There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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