I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
