people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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