i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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