Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
