my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
