he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
