Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
