i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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