every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
