im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
if i can run in heels then i can drive
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
