You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
