So drunk its hurt
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
