I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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