Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
So. Much. Porn.
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