Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
