What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
