Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
