Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
