i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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