I must be too annoying 4 u.
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
