So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
