So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize