I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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