I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
