Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
