I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
