u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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