Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize