reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
