I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
