who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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