I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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