Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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