Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
