I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
