i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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