Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
