the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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