I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I understand Curling. That high.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
