Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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