he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
