i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
