Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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