I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
