so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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