You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize