Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize