i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
