Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
This is classic penis vs brain.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
