i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
