Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
